Kay

My work with Alzheimer's residents is such a blessing and is teaching me a lot. I have come to see each and every one of my residents as unique and beautiful. The nurse who taught my PCA class challenged us as caregivers to look beyond the medical info and ask ourselves "can I describe who this person is without thinking of their disease first?" This was a great point, and I began to change my way of thinking. I love learning about their family and history and discovering today what makes each person tick.

I think my residents are the most fascinating people and my views on love and beauty have differed from what they used to be. I posted on my other blog on the beauty of hands, particularly work worn, weather beaten hands. In fact I think that white hair and wrinkles are the most endearing beauty marks around. On the outside a person might not look like much but when you take the time to listen you'll see the true beauty of the soul coming through.

I wrote the following poem (ballad, essay, not sure what to call it) about one of my favorite residents. Kay's heart is so sweet, she'd always polite and thinking of others. She's the person I want to be when I'm her age. She's aged very gracefully, not just in outwardly but inside too. She doesn't let her limitations of mind or body keep her from being kind to others. I find her even more beautiful when she hears other residents repeating themselves or being forgetful and she points to herself and says "that's like me, I do that". Other times you wouldn't think she knew she had Alzheimer's but at those moments you can tell she really does understand.


I hold out my hand to her
She takes it, trusting me completely
She is small and round
Her face is screwed up as she concentrates

Her eyes stare at the floor
Her tongue runs over her lips
She hums a repetitive three notes
She carefully lays each foot, step by step

I speak to her gently
She looks up at me quizzically
Her steps falter
Her expression changes to one mingled with confusion

She reaches her other hand out to the wall
She braces herself to regain balance
Her eyes have drifted back to her feet
She stands still only a moment

She doesn't understand what has happened
She continues to walk
She looks up at me again
My dear sweet Kay smiles bravely at me

“I don't know what's the matter with me.”
She speaks the works with a little chuckle in her voice
“Are you dizzy, Kay?”
I ask her.

“Yes...a bit”
I can see the gears turning in her brain
She still doesn't understand
She holds my hand a bit tighter

We reach the kitchen safe at last
She sits down gingerly
She is ready for what is next
She is ready to eat

Later we walk to her room, hand in hand
She hums again her same old song
We near her door
She repeats her room number several times

She knows the door when she sees it
She recognizes the room
She knows this is where she belongs
“This is where I was before” she tells me.

After a quick toilette she stands before the glass
Carefully she washes and dries her hands
Then she brushes her thick gray mop
Carefully curling a lock of hair on her forehead

“Can I get in there?”
She asks me as she points to her bed
She tucks her favorite shoes under the bed
I turn down her covers

She lays her glasses on the night stand
She fluffs the pillow
I tuck her under the covers
One more blanket for warmth

I kiss her bonny face
“Good-night dear” I say.
She cups my face in her hands
“Thank you” she says.

“You do so much...for me.”
She stammers, trying to say what she thinks
“You are just...so..you're so smart...just beautiful.
God bless you.” she finishes.

“I love you.” I tell her
I walk to the door.
I take one last look
Before I close it tight

I wipe tears from my eyes.
My dear sweet Kay loves her sleep
One day I fear to find her there
Never to awake.

- Laurie B Michael 1/21/09